Author: The Eternally Hopeful

So What

“Take a step back. Draw in a deep breath. Now ask yourself, ‘So what?’ Then, after answering, ask yourself again, ‘So what?’ And then a third time—‘So what?’ Chances are you’ll come to realize that the issue at hand is not as dire, detrimental, or important as you first thought.” 

― Richelle E. Goodrich

I find myself often getting lost in my own head. I find myself replaying situations and conversations that happened days, weeks, months ago where I over analyze everything.  I think, what if I had done this differently or what must this person think now or what was that person’s angle.  I often wonder what people will think about my latest post.  Will they judge me for being too honest….for not being honest enough? Will they try to dissect my posts to ascertain what real life situation inspired me or if the post is about them? I feel like I’m going insane at times by focusing on people, situations, and circumstances that are so inconsequential in the big picture.  Because at the end of the day, what does any of that matter? Does it matter what someone thinks about me or reads into a post? No. Can I change the past by reliving past situations and conversations? No.  So, I’m embracing a “so what” mindset. When I start losing myself inside my head, I say “So what…in the big picture does this matter or by obsessing about it, will it change the outcome?” If the answer is no, I’m not concerning myself with it, for I’m choosing to live in the present and not be weighed down by things that mean so little in the big picture.  This is me being unapologetically me.

Your Approach

“To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”

Eckhart Tolle

It is so easy to find yourself complaining over and over about the people in your life or difficult situations you find yourself in. It often is easier to point out all the negative that is stressing you out rather than figuring out how you’re going to move forward. Indeed, each of us have been guilty of subjecting a loved one to constant complaints about our work, friends, family, etc. Instead, maybe it’s time to try something else because I find myself even more worked up, frustrated, and stressed out after one of these dare I say rants ….Trying to look at these situations objectively I can admit that perhaps a change in strategy may be needed. My new approach is to say my opinion regarding a situation, then step back and see how things will play out.  This allows you to gain perspective by distancing yourself from the situation. Sometimes the right action/choice may be completely removing yourself from a situation or environment. It may mean limiting contact with certain people. Or, the situation may resolve itself without you doing anything but allowing time to work it’s magic. 

Take Charge of Your Life

“Letting go is never a sign of failure, letting go is knowing what battle to fight and what battle to “let it be”.. Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care anymore, it is just directing your false hope to something more worthy of your emotions, energy and time.. Letting go is simply taking charge and control over yourself rather than fighting windmills like a modern day Don Quixote…”

― Zena Abou Alnaser

 It’s been awhile since I’ve last posted on here. To be honest, I let myself get lost in all the things going on in my life and I lost my inspiration. I lost sight of why I had created the blog over two years ago.  Each post I wrote began to feel more robotic and I no longer felt connected to what I was writing. It was like I was on auto pilot and before I knew it, it had been almost six months since I “blogged.”  In fact, it had almost been the same amount of time since I wrote period. No journals, no poetry, no freestyle, nada, zilch. 

Why? Simple, I let myself get caught up in the chaos around me.  I let myself get sucked into the drama and bullshit surrounding me in my personal and professional life. I found myself obsessing and becoming emotionally strung out on situations, people, and circumstances that were out of my control.  I spent way too much time and energy on people and situations that weren’t worth it. For it’s so easy to give in to the pettiness of a person being a crappy friend or a difficult coworker when you are in the midst of the “battle.”  It’s difficult to have clarity and perspective when you’ve been hurt or your pride insulted. This was where I found myself…and it felt like deja vu. Like haven’t I ridden on this train before and vowed to not repeat that experience…

Well, I finally reached a point a little while ago where I’m like what am I doing and this has gotten old. I asked myself why I was allowing myself to become a prisoner of the past, the negative, and toxic situations…once again.  The answer….Bad habits. I’ve decided enough is enough…I’m done repeating the same old, tired routines.  I’m working on letting go of that which haunts me….the old hurts and bitterness so I can focus on the present and what I do have control over. And guess what? Somewhere along the lines, I’ve found my inspiration to write again. Through letting go of the burdens I’ve held on to for far too long, I feel lighter, freer, more balanced and empowered.  I’m taking back control and it feels good. I’m embracing less structure and more free spirit. So, instead of vowing to post everyday or once a week like I did before….I will say I will post as inspiration hits me. This is me choosing to take unnecessary pressure off myself…this is me taking control.

Be Mindful of Your Actions

“If we let all the negative roadblocks influence us then it’s only a matter of time before we end up detoured, lost, or possibly stranded on the side of the highway. Our positive attitude keeps our battery powered and our gas tank full, so that we can make it in one piece to our destination.”

― Lindsey Rietzsch

               I find myself in an interesting place right now. I ended the year and began 2018 with renewed hope and vigor for what was to come. I set goals and high expectations for my life and personal growth. I told myself that I’m going to push harder and have a lot of fun along the way…I promised myself that my main theme for this year was a positive attitude and mindset. In a nutshell, leave the bullshit and pettiness at the door and keep it moving on my end. Well, it’s been 17 days and I’ve already found myself sliding backwards. At times I find myself reacting negatively to negative behavior and attitudes around me. It’s so easy to get frustrated and behave just as poorly as those around you and when this happens you’re a part of the problem…not the solution. As I go through my daily reflections, I think there is an intermediary step that needs to happen for me to see long lasting change and that is mastering the art of self-awareness. What I mean is that I want to place more time and energy on being aware of my reactions and conscious state so that I reflect real time with, “Why am I feeling this way, why did I do or say x, y, and z,” and then ask myself how I could have responded differently. This will force me to acknowledge my every action and be accountable at all times. No more excuses. It’s time to form new habits. My hope is that by recognizing my reactions and thought process, I can get to the point where I automatically respond in a positive manner like muscle memory. I have faith that I will in time. I also believe this is something we can all work on, as life throws some pretty tough curveballs at us all.

Be Proactive Instead Of Reactive

“When engaging in simple everyday banter and communications, this rule of thumb can really help suppress a lot of our negative word ‘vomit’ since we often mindlessly chat about the things we don’t like. If we refrain from expressing our negative opinions about things unless they’re directly asked for, we can train ourselves to respond rather than react the second we see or hear something and then feel we must verbalize our views about it.

Remember, even if we don’t agree with someone or something, we can still speak about the subject at hand in a positive light to encourage growth rather than guilty motivation. I like to say I express more “inspirations” than “opinions” with each passing day.”

― Alaric Hutchinson, Living Peace

           Sometimes it’s difficult to know why you act in certain ways or why you make a decision or choice. I find myself questioning different decisions I make and my emotional responses. I find myself asking, “Did I make that decision because I truly felt it was the right choice or am I merely reacting to another’s negativity or the heightened energy of a situation?” And like so many of us, I like to believe that my choices and behavior are rooted in a good place. But when I’m honest with myself, I know that sometimes I allow myself to simply react to the situation. And when I allow myself to merely react, how are my actions any better than those I deem to be negative and toxic? So, perhaps it’s time to change the tone of the conversation by proactively choosing to refrain from speaking negatively and instead when given the opportunity speak about situations and people in a more positive light to foster growth instead of divisiveness. By regularly engaging in this type of behavior, you begin to train yourself to consciously control the situation instead of the situation controlling you.

Embrace Your Truth

“Be true to yourself, stay focused and stay you, take advice from other folks, use what you can, but never mind what is not for you. For the most part, trust yourself and believe in what you are doing.”

– Musiq Soulchild

            It is so easy to allow your voice to be drowned out by those around you and to lose sight of your vision. This is something that I’ve found myself struggling with lately. I’ve found it difficult to stay true to who I am and not hold back in my daily interactions. It’s such a difficult balance to know when to push hard for something you’re passionate about and when to temper it to not alienate everyone around you. It’s a fine balance and I’m learning that going to the other extreme of not speaking up for fear of being stung is not the answer. No, you must fight for your voice to be heard, to stay true to yourself, and to trust your instincts. However, giving a voice to what you believe in doesn’t mean you have to talk over others or belittle an opinion that differs from your own.

What Motivates You

A/N. Some of you may have noticed that I’ve been sporadic in my posting the last few weeks. To be honest, I’ve been losing my inspiration of why I  started doing this blog almost two years ago. I didn’t feel the connection and then what a friend told me gave me pause for reflection. He basically told me that my blog felt a little impersonal. And I don’t disagree. Each day I strived to find an inspirational quote that resonated with me and with what I was going through at the time. However, I didn’t share any of these personal reflections of why I chose the quote; rather, I chose to give my thoughts from a more general, broader perspective. But I’m ready to change things up and try a different approach by sharing more of my personal thoughts and feelings behind each quote. So, thank you, my friend, for inspiring me to do better and reminding me what it means to be The Eternally Hopeful.

Please note because these posts will be more focused, I will begin posting once a week, likely at the end of the week as a reflection of how my week went. I hope you enjoy, continue to follow my blog, and be inspired to make changes in your own life! I invite you to search for the better part of yourself each and everyday!

“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”
Walter Bagehot

               This quote pretty much sums up a common thread in my life story. I’ve been repeatedly told that I’m not good enough or can’t do x, y, or z. And, I feel like I’ve spent my entire life trying to prove the naysayers wrong and that I am good enough…that I can achieve the impossible.  However, I feel there is a caution warning that should be applied to this quote. Yes, it’s good to use other people’s negativity as motivation to do that and more. But you have to be careful that at the end of the day, you’re doing this for you and that you don’t let these negative people make you bitter, jaded, and demoralized in your approach to life. It’s so easy to become that woman with a chip on her shoulder and this has become my daily struggle. Where’s the line? I’m starting to realize that there is no easy, clean cut answer. Rather, it is yet another battle we must wage with ourselves each day. I try to ask myself at the end of each day, am I doing this for myself or just to prove someone else wrong. I then try to disassociate my actions and gains from the negativity that was attached to my original motivations for doing something. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I believe it’s okay to use someone else telling you that you can’t do something as motivation to succeed, but your end reasons for continuing along the path should be for you and you alone.

 

Appreciate Life

“Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you’ll find that you have more of it.”

– Ralph Marston

          Always remember to be appreciative of the good in your life and of the people who surround and support you. Be appreciative of each day you wake and take in the breath of life. Show gratitude and give thanks without expecting anything in return. For life is about what you give, not what you get.

Theory on Life

“My theory on life is that life is beautiful. Life doesn’t change. You have a day, and a night, and a month, and a year. We people change – we can be miserable or we can be happy. It’s what you make of your life.”

– Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum

         What kind of life you have is up to you. For you have the choice every time life deals you a hand to be miserable or to be happy despite your circumstances. Whether you approach life with a positive or negative attitude is up to you. So be mindful of what kind of life you are leading.

Your Actions

“The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.

– Benjamin Franklin

          It is important to always be aware of your actions and how they impact others. You should strive to treat people with kindness, tolerance, and respect no matter if they are a friend or foe. For the commandment to love thy neighbor is not conditional.